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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Not the “It” girl

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Not the “It” girl

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Not the “It” girl

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

January 24, 2011

Not the “It” girl

I was never “Miss Popularity” in high school.

I was always the wingman…the third wheel…the other friend.

I’ve never played the leading lady in any aspect of life. I was always the friend that the guys went to when they needed someone to talk to the girl they were interested in. I was that girl who played matchmaker for every single one of my friends. Usually the guy that was wanting the “hook up” with my friend {and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way…not like the kids use that word today. When I was in high school it meant a date…} was a guy that I had a crush on. A guy that I had usually been eying myself. But, it never worked out that way.

I was not what I would consider an ugly duckling by any means, just not that girl, ya’ know? I can’t use the “beauty queen” example because I was-in fact- a beauty queen on up through college. :-) But I just never had whatever that gene is that makes people “it.” And I still haven’t figured out what it is that makes some people that kind of person, and others not.

I spent a lot of time in my life feeling sorry for myself because of that. Because I wasn’t a cheerleader. Because I didn’t sit at the right table in the cafeteria. Because I didn’t get invited to the parties and whatnot on the weekend. Because of this, that or the other. Lots of excuses for feeling sorry for myself back in those days. When I hit college, I was determined not to be that girl. Not to be the wingman again. Not to be the one who played on the sidelines while my friends were starters {sorry…sports analogy from a chick who DID spend a lot of time on the bench. In everything except softball…I kind of rocked at that…}

But, again, that gene just wasn’t there. I made friends with some great girls {only two of which I really talk to anymore} and pledged the best sorority on campus {nope. Not a matter of opinion. It really was!} and surrounded myself with some pretty great people. But, I still never quite reached the point of being the “it” girl. It took a lot of time and a lot of mistakes to make me reach the point that I’m about to make:

Insecurity is a matter of mentality. No one can make you feel bad about yourself. That’s something that only YOU can allow.
It took a lot of tears and a lot of learning to reach that point. To understand that very, very simple concept. However, over the last 8 months {mostly during the time my husband was away when I was forced to do some soul searching} I came to that conclusion. I’m a good person. I consider myself to be an attractive person. I have things to offer, things to give, things to teach others if they are interested in learning. For the first time in my life, I am completely and totally confident in who I am, who I was created to be, my marriage, my parenting techniques, and my individuality.

I don’t know how I got here. I’m not sure when I left behind that scared, somewhat depressed and lonely girl and became this new person. But here I am. She’s alive and well inside me..this new woman {sorry…I always feel strange referring to myself in that way…guess I’ll always be a “girl” in my mentality}. And I like her. I hope she decides to stick around for a while.


*Kid Credit: The little girl is Presley, daughter of my dearest and bestest real life and blog friend, Courtney. And the little guy, well, he’s mine. :-) I take full credit for him…okay, and his dad can have some too. And contrary to the look of this photo, he doesn’t have a lazy eye…he was blinking. Haha.

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