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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Baby Jesus & the Terrible Two’s

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Baby Jesus & the Terrible Two’s

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Baby Jesus & the Terrible Two’s

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

December 9, 2010

Baby Jesus & the Terrible Two’s

With Christmas right around the corner, the snow in the air (if that’s what you can really call the 15 minutes of flurries we had yesterday) and my husbands impending arrival back home with his family, one can’t help but feel joyous and spirited. My mood is one of extreme excitement, anticipation and overwhelming anxiety. I dread Monday and Tuesday because I know how slowly they will pass. I know that my Wednesday flight will feel like it is taking 100 times longer than it actually is. All I want for Christmas, is my family back together. And we are so close to that right now that I can practically taste it.

My sweet little two year old somewhat grasps the notion that his daddy is coming home soon. At least, I think he does. He is asking for him more frequently than usual. Before he would outright tell you that his daddy was in school [Ma dada at cool]. And now he randomly asks “where my dada at?” like he’s expecting him to walk in at any moment. Don’t worry, I have full intentions of having my camera in hand and prepared to capture the expression on his face when his daddy does walk in.

Yet, despite the sweet innocence of his demeanor and his loving little personality, my precious two year old is, in fact, reaching moments of the terrible two’s. Don’t let this face fool you…

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He can throw a tantrum. Throw an all out riot when he wants to. It doesn’t have to be over anything major…just something as simple as not getting exactly what he wants when he wants it. Or if you don’t drop absolutely everything that you are doing to play with him. Usually I just laugh it off because, let’s face it, sometimes those toddler tantrums can be downright hilarious.

Yesterday during a particular fit he was throwing because I wouldn’t let him have a sucker before he finished his chicken nuggets, I started thinking about baby Jesus. Don’t ask me how I made this great big mental leap, because I don’t really know. It must have been something to do with the Christmas decorations all around the house and the Christmas movie that was playing on Hallmark in the background. But I stopped and thought to myself, What kind of toddler was baby Jesus? Did Mary have to deal with the terrible two’s?

And then more I thought about it, the more I realized that during this phase of her son’s life, she may well be considered one of the luckiest moms in the world. Because, no, Little toddler Jesus couldn’t have experienced the terrible two’s. Every mom, no matter what age, who has experienced life with a toddler knows that children are devious and sinful little creatures by nature. They not intend to be, but they are simply born into it. I watch Little Man throw fits over not getting his way. I watch him sneak things out of drawers when he isn’t supposed to be messing with them. I watch him hide toy cars in his bed so he can play with them at night instead of sleeping like he’s supposed to. {Okay, that last one I let him get away with because it keeps him quiet…}

The point is, we are all born into sin. We don’t even have to learn it. We just do it. I have never taught Little Man how to scream and cry because he didn’t get what he wanted. I didn’t teach him to bite when he was mad (a habit that I immediately put a stop to and haven’t had an issue with since). He just…knew. And that brings me to wonder what other kinds of sin he will just know in the future.

I guess now, more than ever, I have truly begun to realize the impact of my decisions and my husbands decisions on our son. Every single day I wake up and wonder if I’ve done something correct, or if a choice we’ve made will impact him in a negative way down the road. The debate about Santa Clause has left me wondering whether I am taking away from the innocence of his childhood by choosing to forego instilling the idea of a jolly old man who’s mission is just to bring toys to children. I wonder how he will handle moving so far away from the Aunts & Uncles and grandparents that he has come to love so much these last few months. Will he experience a whole new type of separation anxiety? How will he deal with not being able to see and hug and play with his Paw Paw and his Grandmothers? Sure he handled his daddy being gone, and that was difficult all on its own…but this time he will be dealing with separation from many, many people instead of just one.

And then, the real clincher is this thought…this thought that runs through my mind over and over and over again with every little thing that I do or say: What sinful habits is my son learning from me?

Do my words reflect the language of love and compassion that Jesus calls for? Am I quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (not hardly)? Do I exemplify to him the way to treat others? The way to talk to others? Does my son see me giving thanks and praise to Jesus every day in every way? These are important questions…important reminders that there is a set of little eyes watching me all the time. There is a tiny little person who looks to me and to my husband to teach him the way to live his life in accordance to the word of God. I’m not in any way a perfect mother, a perfect wife, or a perfect woman. And to be honest, not in any way worthy of being a mother to this sweet little boy.

But I try. I give it everything I can, every single day. I pray every day that God would teach me to be the kind of mother that HE calls me to be. The kind of mother that my son needs and deserves. I pray that he would teach me to be the wife he calls for and the kind that my husband needs and deserves. Being unworthy is a difficult road to travel. But it’s also one of the most eye opening. To realize that you can’t get to where you need to be on your own is tough, but once you realize that there is someone else, someone even greater than you could imagine waiting to help you down that road…it is indescribable.

So…while Mary may have had the world’s most well behaved toddler, I’m going to stick with the one I have. My sinful, sneaky, loving and goofy little toddler.

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And while I know that he will never be perfect and he will make mistakes throughout his life, I also know that he was placed in my life for a reason. That he was given to me and to my husband because God saw that we were the perfect parents for him.

And that is reason enough for me to give it my all…

Every single day.

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