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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Journey toward an unknown destination

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Journey toward an unknown destination

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Journey toward an unknown destination

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

September 7, 2010

Journey toward an unknown destination

I touched very lightly on the subject of Faith yesterday.

How I’m feeling tested…strained…stretched even. And what’s unusual, is that I find myself welcoming it. Anticipating it. Expecting it. I’ve come to learn that while we have moments in life that are perfect and go exactly as we hoped and wished, more often than not, those moments are followed by pits, falls, and trails.

Hubby passed his EMT Class. With flying colors. Straight A’s throughout the whole class. And ending up with the highest GPA in his EMT group. And then he blew through his National Registry Exam the first time. I could not be more proud of him. He started A-School today, and as with everything, we received some unexpected and somewhat unfortunate news. Little Man and I aren’t going to be able to visit him in October. His overcrowded and hectic Class schedule just isn’t going to allow it.

I was a bit crushed to say the least. But I know that it would be completely pointless to fly out to visit when he really wouldn’t have anytime to visit with us anyway. No point in wasting the money or the time to go if we aren’t going to get to see him anyway. I think I was more disappointed for Little Man’s sake than my own. I know he is missing his daddy something terrible. I don’t know how he’s going to handle the next 3 months. He does well for the most part, but he has days {and they are coming more frequently lately} where I feel like I can’t do anything with him.

And his birthday is coming up. To say that I’ve shed a few tears at the fact that Hubby won’t be here to help celebrate, is an understatement. It breaks my heart to think that his daddy won’t be able to be at his birthday party. I know people do it all the time and deal with these types of things endlessly…but it doesn’t mean that it’s easy.

But my Faith through all of this is strengthening. I realize that earlier this year, during the first EMT School experience, that I let my faith waiver and didn’t lean on God himself for understanding and guidance through the tough times. And I should have. Maybe that’s why things have been so much easier to handle this time around. I’ve placed my fears, my anxieties, my hesitations, and my doubts on the one who handles everything. The one who knows it all already and is willing to be my rock during the unstable times in our lives.

I wonder sometimes if my lack of Faith during the first EMT run is what caused such a dip in the road to begin with. I’ve thought countless times that maybe my lack of faith and my failure to trust God instead of myself, may have been the reason Hubby had such a setback.

I’m a firm believer that God will punish us for our lack of Faith. And that he will try us, test and push us to the limit to get us to the point he wants us in our spiritual walk. I’ve always found that when I start to stray off the unbeaten path, he always manages to find a way to pull me back to him.

I’m eager to see where this road we are on now is going to take us. With the end of EMT school,  I feel like we are finally starting to move forward. I feel like the path we’ve been meant to walk down is finally approaching. I don’t know where we’re going. Have no clue as to what’s in store. But I am finding that this season of separation and time away from Hubby has made our marriage stronger, our vows tighter and our trust unwavering. We’ll be finding out our next station soon…hopefully in just a few short weeks. And then the ball will get rolling on the moving, the house hunting and the furniture shopping.

I’m excited. And antsy. And eager. :)

We’ll see where this journey takes us…I have a feeling we are only at the beginning.

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