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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Winds of Change

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Winds of Change

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Winds of Change

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

August 12, 2010

Winds of Change

Have you ever wondered if maybe God uses our children to punish us?

NOT meaning that children are a punishment or that they are not a blessing or anything like that. But that maybe sometimes things happen as a way to get our attention? Snap us back to where we need to be in life? Smack us in the head as a way of saying, “Hey you! Remember me?”

I’m feeling that way tonight.

If you follow my tweets or you are my friend on Facebook, then you know that Little Man has been having what seem to be really bad, unbelievably intense nightmares. He’s been waking up at the same times the past three days, trembling and shaking and sweating and all out screaming bloody murder. My mother-in-law was the one that got to him this morning when it happened and she thought he was having a seizure, that’s how bad it was. And it’s breaking my heart. Something is scaring my sweet little boy and I can’t do anything to fix it.

I posted it on Facebook this morning and a friend of mine suggested praying over his dreams when I put him to bed. I did that tonight, and my fingers are crossed that it doesn’t happen again in the morning. But it really got me thinking…about how lousy my spiritual life has been lately. In all seriousness, I don’t even really remember the last time that I intentionally and purposefully picked up my Bible and studied. Or spent consistent time in prayer. I’ve allowed everything else that’s going on, everything that I wanted, or was thinking about or was worried about take precedent over my spiritual life.

I’ve been feeling a tug the past week or so from the Big Guy letting me know that he’s wanting me back. I’ve broken away from him. He knows it and I know it. And I’m scared that this whole nightmare/night terror thing with Little Man is a more intense way of telling me that he needs my attention. And I feel like he is preparing me for something. I don’t know yet what it is, but it’s something. Something he needs my full attention for. Something that is going to push me and test my faith in ways that I’ve never understood.

And to be quite honest, I’m scared.

I know that character and faith is built upon struggle and trial. But I’m human enough to openly admit that the thought of something hard happening to build my faith up scares me speechless. I know that hubby has school going on and the things with EMT/A-School are seeming to be a little different this go around. We are getting ready to make a big move, another major transition in life here in the next few months. Life is changing. Hopefully, for the better for our little family. But I feel like God is wanting my attention so he can get me ready for something that I have yet to foresee.

And I’m feeling a pull in my photography. I’m looking into a couple of charities right now, but I am most definitely feeling like God wants me to get involved in something where my photography is a service to others…and not in the “we need new family portraits” way.

I’ve sent up a prayer tonight that peace would be given to our Little guy as he sleeps. It breaks my heart to hear him crying out and wailing frantically for someone to come save him from whatever has him so terrified. I’ve also sent up a prayer that whatever this is God wants me to do, whatever it is I’m feeling, would come to pass in his timing. His will. Am I scared of what’s to come? Humanly, yes. Am I prepared for it? I don’t know. I guess if the Good Lord feels that I’m ready to have something thrown on my shoulders, then yes, I am ready for it.

I just ask that those of you who read this would keep us in your thoughts. I can’t put my finger on what it is, but things are changing. I don’t know what kind of time frame we are looking at, but I’m thinking it’s going to be soon. Whatever it is; whenever it is, I will be sure to let everyone know.

Hope everyone has a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!

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