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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Knocked Down

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Knocked Down

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

May 14, 2010

Knocked Down

I guess sometimes what I need more than anything in the world is to be knocked down off of my high horse and brought back to my knees. I have this issue with control. I don’t really consider myself a control freak or anything like that. I’m not insanely bossy, nor do I feel like everythin has to be my way all the time. But I do like to feel like I have a grasp on life and on situations. I plan things out as best as I can, and then expect them and anticipate for them to go according to the plans I’ve laid out. When they don’t, I freak out and get all antsy. I don’t like things to not go as planned. I can’t help it. I’m wired that way.

Hubby and I had our plans for this summer all laid out. Move home and stay with family so we didn’t have to pay rent and save, save, SAVE some money so we could buy some new furniture when we relocated [because we are in DIRE need of some] and so we would have a little bit of cushion as far as our bank account went. Just in case something were to happen. Not to mention we were wanting to put some money down on a new car later on this year [hopefully]. Hubby was gonna do his A-School thing in California, I was going to get my photography on; save what I could for a new computer and a new camera and get myself a business going. We were planning to fly to San Fran this summer a few times to visit. Maybe take in a Giants game and visit Alcatraz.

God has other plans.

While all that I have ‘planned’ is well and good, and all that we’ve ‘anticipated’ is most likely going to come to pass; the past several days has been filled with so much uncertainty. I’ve had to rely solely on Christ and lean on his knowledge and his plans for our future.

Things haven’t been as easy and gone as planned for Hubby in California. I won’t get into much detail or anything, but he’s going to have to go back through the class. Which won’t start again until August. Which means that instead of him coming home and making our big move in August, it won’t happen until December. He’s going to come home on leave between now and the time class starts back so it’s not like we aren’t going to see him until December or anything. And in all honesty, things are probably going to work out better this way, than if it had of worked out like we originally thought.

I’ve had to dig down deep and come to grips with the reality that things are totally and completely out of my control. Maybe that’s why all of this is happening. God’s teaching me to get off my high horse and back down on my knees where I belong. I’m not really upset about any of this. The biggest struggle has really been knowing that Hubby was dealing with some things and emotions on the other side of the country and I couldn’t be there with him. He’s a strong guy, and truth be told, probably didn’t need my consolidation or anything anyway.

It’s been an eye opener. For both of us. And we’ve done a lot of thinking and a lot of praying about what to do next and what steps to take. Hubby doesn’t have to stay in California and take the class again. He has a lot of options and a lot of choices to make. We’re praying for the wisdom to do what is right for our family right now. I’d really covet your prayers over the next couple of days as things come to pass and we make these new decisions.

I’m off to get ready. Little Man and I are heading off to Tuscaloosa this weekend to visit my bestest friend!! Have a great weekend everyone!

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