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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Mediocre Living

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Mediocre Living

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Mediocre Living

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

February 8, 2010

Mediocre Living



I admit, I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. While I can't really place an exact reason as to why I have always felt this way, I think I can trace most of it back to my junior high days. I was a "late bloomer" {and I do mean late...talking 8th and 9th grade late}and I remember always feeling less than my friends. I was the classic sidekick to the popular girls, the less attractive & less interesting friend. And despite the fact that I am married to the most wonderful man in the world and have the worlds cutest little boy [I'm not at all biased, am I?] I still find myself questioning and doubting myself.

While I pride myself in being able to forgive people when they hurt me; being able to let go of things that most people wouldn't let go of so easily and move on, I have a hard time being so generous with myself. I hold past mistakes over my own head and I'm very, very critical. I am quite easily my own worst critic.

I've always felt like I was semi-talented at a few different things. I'm a good writer, but no Nicholas Sparks or Jane Austen. I'm an okay photographer, but no Ansel Adams. I'm alright at graphic design, but no where near as talented as many of the 'blog designers' out here on the internet. I have some talent in different areas, but I'm just not excellent or immensly talented at anything in particular. Or so I think.

I'm reading "How to Hear from God" by Joyce Meyer and I have to admit that it's making a lot of difference in my life. I'm learning how to actually listen for God and how to expect to hear from him. Now that I've started to keep an open heart and a receptive ear, I've began to hear him speaking to me quite frequently. Just this morning, when I was thinking about this blog post, Little Man accidentally turned the TV. Ironically it landed on Joyce Meyers "Enjoying Everyday Life" telecast. She was interviewing John Maxwell about achieving goals and doing God's will. He said something that really stuck with me, "If you want to do what I do, then are you willing to do what I did?"

I started thinking about that, and I really felt like God was trying to tell me something. I have the talent inside of me to do whatever I want to. I just have to set my mind to using it. The Bible says that God gives all of his people spiritual gifts...talents and abilities to bring honor and glory to HIM. I know we all get in a slump where we wonder what on Earth we are supposed to be doing in life...we are unhappy and discontent with where we are and what we've got going on. But I think that it's in these times that God hones our abilities and our talents to prepare us for a plan that only he can see.

Since our move to Florida in 2008, we've been in a period of waiting that has caused both Josh and myself a lot of frustration and impatience. We've waited and waited and waited and felt like our lives have been on hold. We're in that awkward period of military life where we have to put our Faith in God and trust that his plan is right. Hubby has been on the list to go to A-School since we got here just about, and his time to go is finally almost here...it feels like things are finally about to begin for us and neither of us could be more excited. He's finally going to get to do what he wants to do, we'll be moving up North {hopefully} and I'll finally be able to return to school. Something I've been dying to do since we got to Florida.

And it was while I was thinking about all of this last night before I fell asleep that I realized that this period of waiting has been to God's glory and for his reasons anyway. It's been during this 2 year time period that he has shown me what it is that I love the most in life [other than my husband and my son]: writing, photography and graphic design. He's used these last two years to show me new things and new passions and new interests; he's grown my blog into something that I am very proud of and that I think many of you enjoy. He's turned my writing into something that brings him honor and glory and that I feel he uses to reach others. I have found a love for beautiful pictures that I've never known before...something I spend hours online studying and learning. And I've found an immense interest in blog design.

Before we moved to Florida, I was taking classes in a wide variety of areas, wandering around aimlessly looking for something that I loved-and now I've found it. Hubby has waited and waited to do what he wants to do, and his love and passion for the medical field has only grown stronger. And God's shown him what he really has planned for his life in the long run. This period of waiting has not been in vain. And these thoughts of mediocracy and inadequacy I feel are not only completely untrue, but they are sinful.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

God has a plan for me. I have a purpose in him. I have talent and abilities. The passions and the interests that God has shown me and revealed to me, are there for a reason. And I'm not going to stop trying to figure out what God wants me to do with them. And you shouldn't either. Each and every situation, each and every person God puts in our lives is in perfect preparation for a future that only he can see. I will write. I will study photography. I will continue to learn graphic design. Because I know that for whatever reason, this is where God wants me. This is what God has for me. And that in itself, is a good enough reason for me.
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