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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Happiness is not a gaurantee...it's an option

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Happiness is not a gaurantee...it's an option

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

February 12, 2010

Happiness is not a gaurantee...it's an option


One of the things about Hubby & I that amazes me the most, is that we always share the same frame of mind.. When something is on his mind, it's usually on mine-without even communicating about it. We are able to understand each other, without too much conversation. We just get it. 

Over the past 2 or 3 weeks, I've known that something was on his mind. He's been slightly cranky and he's been frustrated. Not necessarily with me or with Little Man, just not his typical demeanor. I have been the same way. Letting little things that normally roll off of my back get me all upset and mad. Taking out my frustration on my husband and my son, and having to come back and apologize for it later. The other night we finally sat down and started talking about what was wrong. It just finally reached a point of 'having to be let out' and that's what we did.

Have you ever reached the point in your life where you felt like you weren't even being you anymore? You feel like you try to fit into this mold of who everyone expects you to be, try to make everyone happy and live up to every one else's expectations? That's how Hubby & I have felt for several weeks. Like we've been shoved into some kind of mold that we don't fit into and we can't get out. And we aren't doing it anymore.

It bothers him more than it does me.. Maybe because I have this blog and I am always able to be myself here. {Which is why I love all of you, so very much!} There is no one looking at me expecting me to act. Those who don't like what I have to say can simply 'x' out of here. And the ones who do stick around & visit frequently....leaving me lots of wonderful comments. I get to be me here...even if I don't always feel like I can everywhere else. The Hubby, on the other hand, doesn't blog [despite my attempts to get him to start]. The only place I feel like he is really able to be himself is at home or at work. When he's with the guys he works with, they can laugh and joke and just be them. Hubby doesn't do most of the things that they do, but he isn't criticized when he makes a mistake. He isn't looked down on or taken advantage of. He is just him. And he gets credit for the things that he does and the work he contributes.

I just feel like we have been trying so hard to be what we thought everyone else wanted us to be lately. Like we are under a microscope and every move we make is being analyzed and critiqued. And I don't want to do it anymore. I want to be me, because, well, I happen to think that I'm a pretty cool person. Whether people realize that or not. I don't criticize people. I don't try to change people. I accept people as they are, flaws and everything. And I either like them or I don't. I don't pretend to be friends with someone or pretend to care what goes on in their life, and then have nothing to say to them later on down the road. I care about people...very deeply. Those of you who read my blog, I care about each of you. The ones of you who email me and comment frequently; I feel like many of you are some of the closest friends I have and I'm always 'here' for you.

And I feel like people who aren't happy with their lives or their marriages or their position in life & want to complain about absolutely everything, do what they can do to drag me down with them. I'm a very happy girl. I have an unbelievable husband, a healthy & happy son, food on my table, clothes on my back, money to pay my bills & live a comfortable lifestyle...we aren't rich. We don't get to spend money like we want without ever looking back. We live on a budget too. But my husband goes to work every single day and there is no reason not to enjoy what we have. I feel like sometimes people who aren't happy expect you to cover up your happiness to make them feel better about what they have going on in their life. And I'm not going to do it anymore. 

Hubby & I have been accused [behind our backs of course] to putting up a front and pretending that we are happy people. I'll be honest, aside from not having tons of money to buy everything I need to start up a photography business, travel the world & cruise around in a Range Rover {I am kidding, of course!}, I am happy. I don't have a reason not to be. Does this mean my marriage is perfect? No. Does this mean I don't have bad days? No. Does this mean that things don't ever go wrong in our lives? No. It means that when the bad things come, when I get frustrated, when I want to wring my husbands neck...I choose to be happy instead. Life is too short to be miserable! Not one ever said that we would be happy all the time. It isn't a guarantee. It's an option. You have to choose to be happy. You can choose to take the bad and wallow in it, or you can take it, brush it off, get up and keep going. 

I don't know. I know this seems kind of out in left field this morning, but it's just something that has been on my mind. I'm tired of going out on the limb and trying to be something I'm not. I'm not fake. I'm not putting up a front.

My name is Courtney. I'm happily married to my husband most of the time, and the few moments that I'm not, I still love him. My marriage isn't perfect, but I wouldn't trade a single moment for anything. I am the mother of the most beautiful little boy in the whole world. I drink too much Starbucks & even more Dr. Pepper. I enjoy crafting, though I'm not a professional. I enjoy writing & taking pictures, though they bring me no revenue [yet]. I enjoy staying at home with my son all day every day, but I still get restless. I think Jacob is 100 times cooler than Edward, though I agree that Edward & Bella are soul mates. {Yes. I'm a TwiMom....like it or lump it.} I like the color red & the color pink. I clean my house really good about once a week, the other days I just skim the surface. I eat too much junk food and hate to clean the kitchen. I am a girl and I love football. I think reality TV is stupid. I don't care anything about Fashion or American Idol. I don't think you're cool because you have an iPhone. 

Nice to Meet You.

Have a Great Day!

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