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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Wifey Wednesday

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Wifey Wednesday

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Wifey Wednesday

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

December 9, 2009

Wifey Wednesday

Well. It's Wednesday. Which means that Sheila over at 'To Love, Honor, and Vaccum" is hosting 'Wifey Wednesday.' This is easily one of my favorite meme's because I enjoy talking about marriage, and reading what others have to say on the subject. Today, Sheila wants to talk about the hard times in marriage and we overcame them. While Josh and I have only been married a little less than 2 years, we too have had our share of hard times.

It was a mere 2 weeks after we said the "I do's" that I found out I was pregnant. Josh was going to Jersey for a month for Coast Guard training, and I was staying in Alabama until he got finished. Then we were moving to Florida...away from family and friends and starting a life together. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely and totally overwhelmed with emotion. I was excited {and so was he} but I also felt a pang of disappointment that I had gotten pregnant soooo soon. I mean, we hadn't even gotten used to living together or gotten over our "honeymoon" phase before we were suddenly being thrown into parenthood too.

The move to Florida went smoothly, aside from the fact that we had to choose an apartment based off of internet reviews and the place turned out to be a dump. Josh left for New Jersey with a thin, beautiful, very much in shape young wife and returned 30 days later to a not-so-thin anymore pregnant woman. {I'm sure you're asking why I gained so much weight so fast...turns out I was actually almost 4 months along before we ever even found out...And no, I didn't have any clue. Had NO idea. If you're curious how come, please email.} I was self-conscious and emotional because I "just knew" that he was disappointed in his suddenly plump wife.

I remember the first [and only] time we went to the beach during our first summer here. We had been married 6 months and I was in a disgusting maternity swimsuit and looked like a whale in comparison to the other bikini-wearing girls on the beach. I spent most of the day sulking and crying because I hated the way that I looked. Eventually, my negative self esteem had me in a constant bad mood. I spent most of the time picking fights with Josh, making accusations, and really treating him unfairly. Our marriage was honestly crumbling. We had some good times and some happy moments, but truthfully, I will always look back on that time in our marriage with pain and sadness.

There were a lot of closed door issues in our marriage at the time. A lot of emotions, a lot of problems on both of our behalfs and a lot of unrealistic expectations. There were outside influences on both of us that we should have never let get in. Satan was clearly at work and attacking what God had built. This was a dark time for the two of us. One that I look back on and cringe about. But one that I am very proud to say that we have come through. This could quite easily be the most depressing and strenuous time we will ever face in our marriage. And together, with God's help, we persevered through it.

Sometime before Noah was born, "Fireproof" came out. I remember asking Josh if we could go see it, just the two of us. We ended up going with a single guy friend of his, and I was ticked. I was mad the whole way to the theatre and sat with my arms crossed during the previews. When the movie came on and the script started to play out, I lost it. I think I cried pretty much the ENTIRE time. There were so many different aspects of that movie that stirred emotions in me and I just broke down. I remember thinking how big of a dirt-bag Caleb was and thinking that Catherine had reason to act the way she did. [I did a review on the film when it came out, if you want to read it you can find it here] I understood her actions because that's the same thing I would do. I would have sought out love and admiration from someone else. Easily.

But then I started to realize that, even though Caleb was wrong, Catherine was is wife. She had taken a vow. She made a promise to him, and more importantly, to God to love him, honor him, and respect him no matter what happened. In good times and in bad. I realized that, even though my husband wasn't doing things that I liked, was doing things at the time that hurt me and caused me severe pain and heartache, that he was still my husband. He was still the man that I married and I still had an obligation to him. I remember walking out of the movie theatre with a new attitude about marriage. But change didn't come quickly...or easily.

Josh purchased a copy of  'The Love Dare' with intentions of going through it, and never got far into it. I thought maybe I should try it, and I to got just a few days in before I tossed it aside. We bought the "Fireproofing your Marriage" kit over Christmas and half-heartedly did it. Things improved, but were still on the rocks until well past Noah's birth. We had ups and downs, especially when we were adjusting to the committments of being new parents and finding a balance. There were still things tearing us away from one another. It wasn't until March of this year that I would honestly say that things went back to the way that they should. We got moved to a new house, took care of some things that needed taking care of, and closed up and SEALED old wounds and old habits.

It was rough. But the time after has been amazing. We both have a new and ever growing concept of marriage and what it means. God has shown me that being a wife isn't always about sticking with my husband when things are peachy. It's about being there for the good, encouraging him through the bad, and sticking with him-and with 'us'-no matter what happens. God has healed our past. I can look back and think back on it now and be ok. Used to, even the thought of our hard beginning left me nearly in tears and fighting against impulses. Now, I look back and know where we've come from and that we overcame everything. We overcame things that tore a lot of marriages completely and totally apart.

I am proud of what we have. Though we still are a far cry from perfect and still argue and get upset with one another on occasion, we are strong. We are a team. We have GOD leading us toward his idea of a perfect marriage. And as long as he is stearing the ship, we will be ok. We decided long before we got married that "the end" wasn't an option. And I stand by my beliefs that it's our hard-headedness and determination to beat the odds of marriage that has us still going strong.

If you are interested in my "Love Dare" journey or entries from our period of marital strife, click the "Marriage" tab at the top of the screen and explore. :)

I love you so much baby! Here's to many, many, many more years together!

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At December 9, 2009 at 10:10 AM , Blogger ModernMom said...

Hey! Did you know you are the "featured" blogger right now at Top Mommy Bloggers:) Cool!

At December 9, 2009 at 10:32 AM , Blogger Skye said...

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine finding out I was 4 MONTHS along!!! That must have been such a stressful time for you. I am happy for you that not only did you make it through that rough time with your husband, but that you are able to look back and be proud that you did, and be happy for what you have.

At December 9, 2009 at 11:46 AM , Blogger Nicolasa said...

What an honest story. I can't even believe that you were 4 months along! I can see how that can happen though!
I am so glad you two have found yourselves along a good path again.

At December 9, 2009 at 1:51 PM , Blogger M at Hidden Valley Simplicity said...

Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

At December 9, 2009 at 2:47 PM , Blogger Mandi Miller said...

Thanks for sharing! I just love reading your wifey wednesday posts! I think I will link up with her site too!

At December 9, 2009 at 3:06 PM , Blogger Tessa said...

Loved reading this. It was amazing ot hear a bit about your marriage journey. It's alawys comforting to know that everyone has ups and downs and that it's okay, as long as you stick around for the downs and love eachother through them too.Thanks for your honosty.

At December 9, 2009 at 5:06 PM , Blogger Niks La Mode. said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At December 9, 2009 at 5:06 PM , Blogger Niks La Mode. said...

What an amazing post!!!! I followed or stumbled thru blog thru theta mom who is now on fb :) woo woo lol , and your post is so comforting in that I was engaged and 2 weeks later found out I was having twins!! and so it has been tough and still is a bit tough but reading this has really touched my heart and given me something new to think about. I have heard soo much about fireproof and it is on my Que from netflix! I am a follower of your blog love it! :)


p.s thanks so much for your honesty!

At December 9, 2009 at 5:42 PM , Blogger LAURA said...

I love hearing stories of how others have overcome hardships!! I always hope that more and more people will start fighting for their marriages. My husband and I promised each other that we would never discuss divorce. It's not an option. We made promises to God and each other and we intend to keep them.

Thanks for sharing your story!


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