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Wifey Wednesday: Learning to make the time...

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Wifey Wednesday: Learning to make the time...

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

December 2, 2009

Wifey Wednesday: Learning to make the time...

It's "Wifey Wednesday" over at "To Love, Honor, and Vaccum" and I am truly excited about today's topic, because it's something I feel like I can identify with. Today, Sheila is talking about how time consuming careers can be for our husbands and how mom's sometimes feel as if they are raising their children on their own. This is a very emotion filled subject for me and I am excited for the chance to put my thoughts out here for all of you to read.

For those who don't know, I am married to a [wonderful] man in the Military. While he doesn't have to go overseas and spend long, extended periods of time away from home like many of our military men and women do, his job does require some long hours on occasion. There are lots of nights during the month when he isn't home until mere minutes before Noah's bedtime or until well past Noah's bedtime. There are days that require him to go into work early, stay late and get up and go back that night. It's hard. And it's exhausting.

The first 3 or 4 months after Noah was born were the hardest. Noah had colick and wasn't sleeping well at all. Hubby was on a 1 in 2 or a 1 in 3 duty rotation [meaning he worked all week, including weekends, every 2 or 3 weeks.] I know that's not as bad as being gone on deployment for months on end, so I tend to not complain, but seeing as how this is the topic for today, I will. Similarly, there are days where Josh works long and hard and is exhausted when he comes home from work. I have to catch myself fairly often to be sure that I don't start bossing him and barking orders. Those of you who are at home with your children all day know what I mean.

We are home all. day. long. with our kids. And while that's a blessing in itself, there are those days where you just need a break. And how ironic that they tend to fall on the exact same days that our husbands have those days as well. Ending up with crabby, ill parents and an unhappy marriage that day. It's tough.The most emotional aspect of this topic for me isn't the fact that Josh works long days on occasion and that he isn't always available every single afternoon during the week. It's fear.

Anyone who knows my husband personally and knew him before we got married will tell you that he has a very unique talent for the medical field. And not only does he have the talent  but he also has the passion for it. Before we met and started dating, hubby scrubbed in on over 300 Heart Surgeries with a surgeon back at home. He get's that stuff. He understands it. It's scary. When we went home last month, one of his mom's friends husband's [did you follow that?] was having heart trouble and was put in the hosptial to have some tests run. He called Josh to get his opinion and ideas about what was going on with him. My husband, who has never been to medical school, with his raw talent and knowledge DIAGNOSED HIM ACCURATELY!

Yes, I am very proud of him. And I enccourage him in everything that he wants to do . But, if you want me to be honest, I spend a lot of time hoping that God shows him a different path for his life. I am ALL about God's will being carried out, and if that is the field that he calls my husband to, then I know it will be something we can work through together. But I secretly hope that it isn't.

I see so many families torn apart by careers that demand so much time away from home. And my husband isn't that kind of man. He doesn't have any desire to be that kind of husband or father. He doesn't want to be absent from our lives like that. And I feel like God has really started to reveal that to him. He talks about wanting to coach Noah in baseball and football when he gets older. And he has dreams of working with Youth at church. And we want more children. Something I refuse to take on if hubby decides he does want to go into the medical field. Mainly because, I don't want to end up raising my children on my own. I don't want that kind of marriage or parenting partnership. And neither does my husband. It's not fair. To any of us. Not fair to the child to have to grow up without a father. Not fair to me to have to raise said children alone. And not fair to my husband to have a child that he won't get a chance to get to know.

It's a tough spot to be in. One that I think about a lot and pray about a lot. In our culture and society these days, it's so important for kids to have role models around them. Especially boys and their fathers. My husband is a good man with so much to pass on to our son and a career as demanding as the medical field would take away so much of that. It's in times like this where I question and fear that possibility that I have to remember to lean constantly on GOD'S unwavering knowledge and promise that he won't bring us to anything we can't handle. God has a will and a plan and purpose for everything and I have to remember that. That's what encourages me. And I hope that that promise would encourage all of you when you get to a situation in life that you don't think you can make it through.

Head on over to Sheila's to read her thoughts on this topic and leave some of your own.
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Only 23 Days until Christmas!

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At December 2, 2009 at 8:27 AM , Blogger Sheri said...

Awesome reminder: God has a will, and a plan, and a purpose for everything!

I didn't relate to today's topic. Like I told Sheila, I apologize if I sounded like we have it all together...goodness knows we don't! LOL

What I do know is that God puts us in the right place and exactly where he wants us.

At December 2, 2009 at 10:58 AM , Blogger Sheila said...

I remember those days with babies, too! I was so tired so much of the time, but Keith was exhausted as well, and negotiating who got "down time" was always a challenge!

I think keeping the long-term perspective is so important. Sometimes we focus on the day--we're tired today, he didn't spend any time with the kids TODAY--and we don't see the bigger picture. It's still hard when little ones are so little, but it does get easier!

Way to go for having such a good attitude about it! And it does sound like your husband is a gem!

Thanks for participating in Wifey Wednesday!

At December 2, 2009 at 11:07 AM , Anonymous Robin said...

Courtney, I too remember the early days of my oldest's life. We were military. He did not sleep more than 4 hours straight for five months as he was/is an insomniac (like me) AND he was screaming in pain most of the time. They called in colic at the time b/c they did not know what the problem was. I really did go it alone because I was in a different situation with someone who did not care.
It was tough. I remember the weeks, days gone. I remember 24 hour duty - every other day.

Praise God that you have a husband who cares. And that you can see so clearly the situation. I know God will give you grace and strength!

At December 2, 2009 at 2:13 PM , Blogger LAURA said...

I can definitely understand what it is like to have those days where your husband doesn't get home until the kids are ready for bed or already in bed. My husband roofs and has some really long days in the summer. I hate those days! They ARE hard. I am always kind of hoping that my husband finds a nice 9-5, mon-fri job. That would be sweet. :)

But you are right... God has a plan for all of us and I should be seeking that over my own selfishness.

At December 2, 2009 at 3:22 PM , Blogger Melinda said...

You are very fortunate to have a husband who is so committed to your family and wants to be very present. My husband is a teacher and although he has a law degree and could be making much more money, he just decided long ago that he wasn't willing to spend the time away from family that was necessary to build a successful law career. I certainly know lawyers who are able to be good dads and good lawyers, but I know it puts a tremendous amount of stress on them.

Mine are no longer little anymore, but that doesn't mean they don't require a huge amount of our attention and presence. Sometimes I think it is even MORE necessary now that they are older and facing more complex problems.

I always appreciate your honesty and godly perspective, Courtney!

At December 3, 2009 at 10:12 AM , Blogger Helene said...

This is a wonderful post, written beautifully and with raw emotion.

I totally get where you're coming from. My husband used to travel a lot for business (he still does but somehow it doesn't seem that much of a hardship anymore) and when our 1st set of twins were newborns, he would be gone for like 5 days straight at a time. I was up round the clock all night with them, our daughter had colic and my son was a horrible sleeper and feeder. There were nights where I would be rocking both of them at the same time, crying right along with them and silently cursing my husband.

But then the reality of it was that he was always gone so I could have the privilege of staying home with our kids. That's what we agreed to and I felt bad for being mad at him because he was always gone.

Then our 2nd set of twins came along and he was still traveling on business and it was NOT fun. Our marriage has defininitely suffered a lot through the years but this was a good reminder of sticking it out, through good times and bad.

Found you through SITS!


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