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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Fear [Halloween Edition]

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Fear [Halloween Edition]

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Fear [Halloween Edition]

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

October 31, 2009

Fear [Halloween Edition]

Ahh...Halloween. Easily one of my least favorite holidays growing up. Forget the candy, forget the trick or treating, forget the costumes. Halloween for me growing up was all about FEAR. I was a wimp. Terrified of the dark, scared to death of those late night creaks and noises that I couldn't explain from my bedroom. Scared of the shadows that bounced off of the wall in my room at night as I lie awake underneath the covers. What had me freaked out and completely dreading that candy filled day in October all the other kids in my class were looking forward to?

THEM.
Pennywise the Clown & Michael Myers.

I remember sitting on the couch with my daddy when I was probably 5 or 6 years old watching Stephen Kings' "IT" and it scared. me. to. death. Terrified me of clowns. Even Ronald McDonald for a long time. And Michael Myers. ::Shudder:: To this day, no one still scares me as much as he does. Something about the white face and hollow eyes and the way he walks. The way he sort of swaggers after his victims and mocks them with the cocked head and blank stare. Evil. Pure Evil.

This Halloween, I'm better with my fear. I have a 1 year old who will be trick-or-treating for the first time tonight, and I DARE some jerk teenage kid to jump out at him from behind a bush with some hideous mask on. This mama will probably go nuts. I always hated that. It takes the fun out of trick-or-treating. When I was little, I remember being terrified to walk to the door to ask for candy. I knew someone was going to jump out at me. And I hated it. One year, when I was about 8, my sister was probably 3 and we went to the door together to trick or treat. The light outside was on and the front door open. We stood at the screen door, rang the bell, and got nothing. I stood there, staring into the blank house, when suddenly someone with a white mask smacked their face against the glass door to stare at us. I FLIPPED OUT. I ran, leaving my 3 year old sister to fend for herself. And that was it. I never trick or treated again after that.

There is so much evil in this world. Things that are REAL. Things that still scare me. Michael Myers still freaks me out. Honestly. If my husband ever decided he wanted to kill me, all he'd have to do is put on a mask and lay in bed beside me or be standing there when I got out of the shower or something. BAM. Heart attack right there. I lay in bed at night now and can convince myself that someone is standing in the shadows. That I hear someone moving around downstairs. That the second I close my eyes, someone is going to come in our house. It's not that I really worry about these things to the extent of not getting any sleep, but they are there. Freaking me out in the dark. We have a gun in the house, right beside the bed. No one would really stand a chance in our home anyway. LOL But it's the thought that's there.

But, despite monsters and ghouls and ghosts and goblins. The thing that scares me the most...the thing that I fear more than anything else in the world? The "What if's" that come with the day to day. The what if's that result in negative, harmful things to my family. "What if" some moron runs Josh off the road on his way to or home from work? "What if" Noah's ear infection or constant fussiness is something more than just that? "What if" I fall down the stairs and break my leg while I'm home alone with Noah? {I'm clumsy...that's why this one popped into my mind.} "What if" something were to happen to Josh & I both...what about Noah?

These things haunt me day in and day out. These are the things that I could lay in bed and dwell on day in and day out. These are the things that could take over my life and scare me beyond end. Things that I could consume myself with preventing, and consume my mindset with. But I don't.

I memorized these verses early in life. Probably right after I learned John 3:16 and Genesis 1:1.

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL  for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me...Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..." Pslam 23:4 & 6

God is with me. ME. He knows the things that I fear, and he's there to take care of those things. Satan knows the things that I fear and uses those against me to create doubt, uncertainty, and terror inside my heart. Why? Because fear is the same thing as lack of faith. Having fear in something, means that I am questioning God's ability to protect us, keep us safe, and do the best thing for our family...no matter what that thing may be.

So this Halloween, I'll be spending my time walking hand in hand with my husband and my little man up and down the street from house to house trick-or-treating, laughing, and playing the way that children are supposed to on Halloween. Not hovering in the car scared to ask for candy because I don't know who's going to jump out at me. I'll be singing along with Eric Church at his Halloween Concert at the local fair with my husband and riding rides with the family. And tonight, Halloween night, I'll be snuggled up in bed with the love of my life knowing that I'm happy, healthy and safe with the people that matter the most to me.

And HIM? I'll see him on Halloween Eve at the movie theaters with my husband as we watch Rob Zombies version of "Halloween II." He's a dude in a mask. All he's got going for him is his black coveralls and William Shatner mask...scary. Me? I've got the GOD of the Universe, Creator of all things, Alpha & Omega on my side. Who needs a mask?
Happy Halloween All!


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1 Comments:

At October 31, 2009 at 6:27 PM , Blogger Stephany said...

Beautiful post and it's so true!

I do not watch scary movies because I get frightened way too easily! And anytime I'm in the shower and I hear my dog bark, I'm CONVINCED there is someone in my apartment just waiting to murder me. Ugh. It's really not good having an overactive imagination.

 

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