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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Missing My Mojo

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Missing My Mojo

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Missing My Mojo

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

September 29, 2009

Missing My Mojo

The past couple of weeks have been...interesting. For lack of a better word. Since the sleepover at the church I have felt D.E.A.D.

It used not to be a big deal. Staying up late-or all night. [If you've read my testimony, you know that in college I used to do it all the time.] But that long night seriously kicked my butt. Not that I minded, or regret going. The farthest from it. But I think that night just reminded me that despite the fact that numerically I really am 22 years old (yes, only 22 for those of you who thought different), I am physically and I guess mentally a lot older than that. The only thing that says that I'm 22 is my drivers license. 'Cause believe me, I don't feel it.

Have you ever heard people say that having a baby ages you 10 years? Yeah. They weren't lying. I feel like I'm 32. I wake up achy and sore, having only lifted a 22 pound toddler up and down all day long. I am in bed...deeply asleep-most nights by 9:00 [10:00 on Thursday's when Grey's comes on], and I have random and sporadic back and joint pains all during the day. LOL Not to mention, since having Noah my eyes have started to go. I've got to go have them checked and I know that I'm going to need glasses.

Plus, on top of all of this I feel like I have lost my "mojo." My drive. My ambition. My stamina to do anything. Where the heck did it go? Did I deliver it when I delivered Noah and they wrapped it up and threw it away? Because I can't seem to find it. Even on the days that I clean the house, catch up my blog, do laundry, cook supper, keep Noah entertained and happy, I feel like by the time the afternoon roles around I have done nothing for myself. I feel like I-Courtney Kirkland-no longer exists. Rather "I" have been replaced by "Mommy, Wife & Homemaker." Blah.

Don't get my wrong. There is absolutely nothing that I enjoy more than being at home with Noah, watching him grow and develop and knowing that I am largely responsible for his growth. I love being able to take care of my husband and have things prepared for him when he gets home in the afternoons and knowing that I have at least contributed something. But, still. I'm at a loss as to who I am anymore. I need a project or something to keep me busy. Something to feel like I can be proud of. Something that I have to work for. Something that has something to show for it. You wonder why I change my blog so often? Because it's something to do! Something I can show for my time at home all. day. long.

I have thought about getting a job, but that's kind of pointless because I will be working just to pay child care. I don't like the idea of having to pay someone else to raise my son and not having anything to show for it. They passed the Post-9/11 GI Bill which says that I will be able to use Josh's GI Bill to pay for school, so I am really excited about that. Like, unbelievably excited. I'll have to take class at night, but whatever. I can't wait to get back in school and actually be DOING something.

As far as my plan to get my "mojo" back...
1. Start a project. -I'm going to get all of this FPU budgeting done and set up a really nice, organized Financial Notebook. Especially now that I have some really good forms to use. I do better with actual paper than on the computer, so I'll have to make some copies, get a binder, some tab dividers...

2. Start getting back in shape.- This is a biggy. I lost all but 5 pounds of my post-baby weight with Noah. I just never did get myself back in SHAPE. This starts tonight...our church does a free workout class every Tuesday. It's time to stop making excuses and GO! Then, I'll start taking Noah to the park every afternoon and walking. I need to find some way to start jogging a few days a week. That's hard to do because we don't have a jogging stroller and Josh likes to run when he goes to the park...hmm. I'll have to think about that one. And finally, drag out my Pilate's stuff and USE IT. I started doing this right after Noah was born and started seeing some results pretty quick. Then when we moved it got shoved in the attic (?) and I haven't gotten it down.

3. Get Spiritually Fit.- This is something that I am going to HAVE to do better on. Got to. I've been slacking. My big problem is that I am SO TIRED when I wake up that I don't get up and do my Bible Study and Quiet time first thing. So it usually get pushed back, and pushed back, and pushed back until the end of the day and then I rush through it just to get it done. Not good. I've got to make that the highest priority on my list. Everyday. All day.

So there. My "missing mojo" plan of action. Haha. I'm excited. I have a plan. Now all I have to do it implement it. I should probably start by doing something with the 17 or 18 FunFetti cupcakes I baked last night. Those are a real help to my "get fit" plan. LOL. We shall see. I will keep you updated. Wish me luck and encouraging thoughts. I'm going to need them.

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