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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Depending vs. Dependent

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Depending vs. Dependent

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland: Depending vs. Dependent

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

September 1, 2009

Depending vs. Dependent

I was reading something the other day [that's italicized because I don't remember what I was reading or where I was reading it at...maybe in a magazine? Or online? Or in a book?] about how married woman (with an emphasis on stay-at-home mothers) are dependent on the husbands. This kind of frustrated me a little bit and I wanted to write about it. There is a big difference in being dependent on your husband and depending on him. Ok. I know that sounds the same, but take a second to go back a re-read that s l o w l y and then think about it.

By saying that someone is dependent on something, you mean they can't do anything without it. Like alcoholics are dependent on their drink of choice. Drug Addicts are dependent of their drug. They don't function without it and they turn to said substance for everything. This woman [or man...again I don't remember the author] was saying that women who don't work for themselves depend on their husbands to do everything for them.

Excuse Me?! As a stay-at-home mother and wife, I took much offense at this comment. There are a lot of things about marriage and the submissive wife role that I agree with, but being totally dependent on my husband is not one. Basically, the author was saying that women who are at home have no kind of integrity, no kind of drive or ambition, no goals for themselves, no nothing. Apparently, they think we ladies sit around all day just waiting for a man to tell us what we need to do because we are so incompetent that we can't function without their command. Puh-lease.

My husband is a hard worker, a devoted father, an excellent husband, and has a heart for God and for others that I admire greatly. But he will be the first one to tell you [or your husband or anyone else] that he could not take on the role that I do. {Now, with that being said, as kudos to him, I could NEVER. EVER. do what he does either.} Despite all of his wonderful qualities and abilities, Josh wasn't meant to be a house daddy. Just wasn't wired that way. No offense to any men that do that, but my husband couldn't. He works to pay the bills. He works to take care of things that we physically need. He has a great role in our home, one that I love him dearly for taking on and do my best to encourage him in. I understand that the weight of our finances rests solely on his shoulders. And he carries that weight like Superman.

BUT. Just because my husband works to pay the bills does not mean that 1) His role is any greater than mine, 2) That I spend my days and nights bowing down to his every whim, and 3) that my life is solely wrapped up in him. Nope. Wrong. I am not dependent on him, but I do in fact DEPEND on him. I depend on him to protect myself and our son. I depend on him to help me carry the groceries in the house. I depend on him to be the Spiritual and Physical Leader of our home. I depend on him to be there for me when I need to vent or need to cry. I depend on him to love me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Those are all things that are seperate from me.

I don't get up every single morning and wonder what Josh is going to want me to do or allow me to do. I am my own person and I make my own choices. Now, do I consider the effects my choices will have on my marriage, my husband and my son? Of course. Most decent mothers and wives do. But, no, I am not incappable of functioning without him.

What are your thoughts on this? Stay at home mom or working mom, how do you feel about someone saying that women are dependent of their husbands and basically can't function without them? Sorry. I know I may have been venting a little but things like that really irk me.

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6 Comments:

At September 1, 2009 at 3:02 PM , Blogger ~Kate~ said...

Hi! Excllent topic. I'm a working Mom and I feel like I depend on my husband for alot of things just as he depends on me for things. I think that we should be able to depend on our loved one to take care of us. I know that I return the care when my husband needs it. I can totally function on my own as well but I do depend on my husband to be there when I need him and to respect me when I can handle it.

I agree with you 100%!!!!

 
At September 1, 2009 at 3:25 PM , Blogger ModernMom said...

Hey there. I'm at home and I would say Hubby and I depend on each other equally!! I am not his dependant. I don't like that word either.

 
At September 1, 2009 at 3:49 PM , Blogger ~Kate~ said...

Courtney...I left you something at my blog :) You can depend on me too!! ;) Moms have to stick together!

 
At September 1, 2009 at 4:59 PM , Blogger The Satter Family said...

I would say that Jason has to depend on me or he'd be lost! (wouldn't he love to hear that). He does what he loves all day and I do what I love all day; it just so happens that he gets paid for what he loves!

 
At September 1, 2009 at 8:31 PM , Blogger Tina said...

You handled this topic very well. I do work outside of the home to help with the finances, but I think that any healthy marriage is a two way street. Husbands and wives lean on each other and both depend on each other for lots of things!!

 
At December 18, 2009 at 6:38 AM , Blogger 123 123 said...

Cool story as for me. It would be great to read more concerning that theme. Thanx for giving that data.
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