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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

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Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

Live Beautiful | Courtney Kirkland

February 26, 2009

The past few weeks have been ridiculously exhausting. Josh's mom did come down to stay while Josh had surgery...but I may have failed to mention that she came the Friday BEFORE his surgery and left the day after it. So, for the past 2 weeks, I feel like I have been running around like a decapitated chicken. For whatever reason, other than just because he knew I didn't have much help, Noah decided to start getting fussy after Josh's mom left. Not only fussy, but he reverted back to his newborn sleeping habits. Yep...every 2 (maybe 3 if I was lucky) hours he was awake and whining about something. A partially wet diaper, a little bit hungry, just needed to burp. All night. I hadn't been that tired since the first couple of weeks he was born. Poor Josh felt useless because he was hurting. He ended up having to go back to the doctor to let them check for a few complications because he started hurting so bad. This is the first time that I have gotten a chance to really get on the computer in a week or two. Until now, when I did have time to get on, I was too tired and didn't really feel like extending the extra energy.

I have gotten to get to sleep the past 2 nights. For whatever reason, Noah sleeps better when Josh gets up with him at night. The past 2 weeks I have gotten up with him, it's been every 2 hours on the dot. Josh started getting up with him Tuesday night...we put him to bed at 9:00 and he didn't wake up until 5:00. That's the longest he has slept so far. It was wonderful. Last night he only got up once. I told Josh that I was done. I put in my time for the first 4 months and did the hard stuff...the hour and half and 2 hour feedings. Now, he's sleeping better and longer (and does even better when he knows his daddy is the one getting up with him) so I figure Josh won't really be losing any sleep. We did get him moved to his crib. He's doing really good. We started putting him in there during the day when he takes his nap, and so far, so good.

I have also been doing some "baby reading." Supposedly, now it's time to start taking his pacifier away from him at night so he doesn't get attached. I've been doing it at night so that he doesn't get used to having it to go to sleep. We are supposed to introduce him to a "night night" toy. Something he associates with sleep and security. He has a stuffed dog that he got at Christmas, but Josh and I are going to take him to the "Build a Bear" workshop this weekend and make him a bear or something. I've always wanted to go and make one and now I have an excuse. :)

I've spent the past couple of days introducing Josh to the wonderful world of "Grey's Anatomy." He has watched it a few times on Thursday nights with me and I have all of the seasons on DVD, so we put in Season 1 yesterday and started watching. He is so cute when he watches all of this medical stuff...mainly because he has seen surgeries and stuff already and can actually compare it to what he is seeing on TV. He spends a lot of time correcting what he's watching. It's a learning thing for me as much as it is entertainment. Anyways, lately I have been kind of struggling with lately. I'm still at that point in my life where I have no clue what I want to do with my life and where my life is going. I see Josh sitting at his computer or wandering around Barnes and Noble studying surgeries and labs and medicines...part of me wishes that there was something in my life right now that I was that passionate about. Aside from being a wife and a mother right now, I have no idea what is in store for me. I've spent some time over the past 3 or 4 years exploring different jobs through some classes and stuff at college...the unfortunate thing?I've found several things in several different professions that I liked, but nothing that I was just die hard passionate about.

I took journalism, I took graphic design, I took Psychology, I took Creative Writing, I took Education Classes, I took Nursing classes...but nothing. Nothing that I have found that gets to me the way that the Medical Field gets to Josh. I feel like I am bumping around in the dark with no clue as to which direction I am supposed to go. Josh says that eventually I will find it. Says I am only 21 and that it's too early for me to really know anyway. But, I don't feel 21. With a husband and a child, there is no way in the world that I am mentally 21 years old. I've never been on a mental level that correlated with my actual age. My friends from college are 21 now...they are still spending there time in bars, going to parties, dating around, and all that other that goes along with being young and stupid. That part of me doesn't exist anymore. That part of me feels like, not only is it gone, but like it never even really existed. I am a whole different person now than I was beforee. I don't miss it. I love my life now and being a wife and a mom and having a family...but now that I have those two I feel like I need some other kind of direction and purpose to my life.

Oh well...anyways, that's just one of the things that will work itself out in time I guess. I'll put up some "Build a Bear" pictures sometimes this weekend when we go. Super Excited!

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