The Love Dare: Day Three

Love is Thoughtful

January 29, 2009

I actually had to skip the original Day Three because the dare involved buying something for your spouse, and since Josh has the car today and I have no way to anywhere to buy anything...I figured I would save that one for this weekend when I have some time to get out of the house by myself.

Today's lesson was on being thoughtful. This is something that goes along with yesterdays dare on kindness. To me being thoughtful means always trying to make sure that your spouses needs are met. In the book, it talked about how different things are when you are dating and when you get married. In the beginning when you are dating, you are constantly thinking about your significant other. What they look like, what it feels like to kiss them, things you have done together...thinking about things you can say or talk about next time they are around, things you want to learn about them that you don't know yet. But when you get married, all of that seems to fade. You have each other, see each other all the time, so what is there to think about? We get caught up in the day to day things: work, kids, ourselves.

The "Love Dare" says that "loving thoughts precede loving action." We have to constantly be thinking of ways to be thoughtful in order to put our love into action. When we stop being thoughtful we tend to start unintentionally ignoring the needs of our spouse. If we don't take the time to learn to continue to be thoughtful after we have said our wedding vows, then we end up regretting the missed opportunities to show our spouse how much we really love them.

The Love Dare did note that women were more multi-conscious than men. That's obvious to anyone who has children if nothing else. Women can talk on the phone, cook supper, be holding a child, and watch TV at the same time...all while still be concerned about her husband. I know from my own experiences in learning to be a mother that learning to multi-task is pretty much a requirement. I learned very fast to do things one handed. I have pretty much gotten it down to an art. Where men, for example, have a hard time listening to you talk when they are watching TV. It's just not in their genes. That's one of the ways that God intended for a woman to complete a man. But, along with being able to multi-task, us women are prone to "speak between the lines." Never truly saying what we mean...wanting our husbands to just put the pieces together and understand us. I am guilty of that. I don't feel like I should just come out to Josh and say "I want you to bring me flowers...that would make me feel special." Instead, if we go somewhere I make a point of saying (more than once usually) "Those flowers are really pretty...I'd like to have some to go on the kitchen table." I usually get the typical "Uh-huh..." response while he continues to shop. :)

Men on much more literal. They come out and say directly what they feel. Which is sometimes a very good quality. And I know they get frustrated with us for not being the same way. Just like we get aggravated when they don't pick up our hints. But being thoughtful means that we have to take those characteristics into consideration in our day to day routine with our spouses. Us women have to learn to say what we are thinking in a way that men can understand...whereas men need to try a little harder to pick up what we are putting down. Women, we can't punish our husbands for not understanding what we want, if we don't tell them. But if we always have to piece things together for our husbands, then it takes away their opportunity to surprise us and show his love.

"Love requires thoughtfulness-on both sides-the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindess, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks."

Today's Dare:

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how they are doing and if there is anything you can do for them.

What did you learn about yourself or your spouse today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?

This one was pretty easy. Ever since seeing "Fireproof" in theatres, this is something that I try to do everyday. It's not convenient for me to actually call Josh on the phone, because most of the time he is busy and can't talk. But I do send him text messages during the day just to let him know I am thinking about him and that I love him. It makes me feel good to know that I he enjoys getting them. He has told me before how much he enjoys receiving them, just because of how frustrating his days can be. It's nice to know that a simple gesture like that can actually mean something.

By the way, I took yesterdays dare up a level. After putting notes in Josh's pockets as to why I loved him, I decided to make it a little game. I made a list of all the reasons I love him and have started putting them in random places. He found the first one this morning getting dressed and he grinned like a little kid. Said he had to find somewhere to put them because he wanted to keep all of them. It was really simple and I can tell it actually means something to him.